small hours
Sunday, July 22nd, 2007Yesterday I just realize how fast time is, one time I was working on New year’s eve and now its freaking July. Its the middle of the year and I have absofreakinlutely maxed myself out for the past 6 months. I’ve been thinking about 2007 being
my "make or break" year. It felt like I was already hitting quarter life. Geez, life has never been more challenging not forgetting the need to make majorly BIG decisions that quite possibly will change my life forever.
I’ve somehow been at my lowest again this past week. But I have been through hell and back a couple of times already and thankfully I was able to regain myself and I am becoming more stronger by the day. It felt like walls are coming up on all slides of me again…literally and figuratively. But heck! forget the literal part, the figurative part again is the most painful part yet. Sometimes I find myself drifting off again, even in the middle of my day at work, sepcially in the afternoon when I wake up and realize how alone I am at home. Then I realize. there are worries that keep creeping up on me, concerns that are eating me up inside. I usually go walking in the mall for hours on my own these days, its just the perfet opportunity to be alone and simply assess the days that have passed. But then somehow in between "laps" inside the mall my mind drifts off from what was on my agenda to "think about" and shift my focus to what’s in front of me. A BIG SALE sign, new stocks of clothes in BAYO, new movie coming up the next week or a group of friends laughing at each other,families that took the day off to be with each other. It’s fascinating to see how other people share the little they have. In the bigger scheme of things, it seems my concerns are quite insignificant when compared to theirs. i’m just so fortunate to have this life and not other’s. But in my own world, my concerns are monumental. In fact they can really consume me. I seem to be missing out on something, i just can’t pinpoint exactly what it is and where it came from. It started with a little odd incident and even when I thought something might be off there, i decided to ignore it. But something else has come up and now it seems a tad too obvious to dismiss. there is definitely something there. it’s been bugging me for some time now but don’t know how to proceed but the indifference is killing me. slowly. People who know me know that I am the type who just goes direct to the person and ASK or just be HONEST and tell them. See what they say. That’s just the way I am. Unfortunately this episode is not one where I can just go and ask, lest i lose more than I already have.
I know I’ll be back somehow…in time…it aint easy but I’ll get by. Besides WE (GOD and I) have been talking alot this days. I know this is somehow his way of telling me that he was there all along anyway, that he never left me even if I haven’t been good. And I know this is what HE wants, because this is what’s best for me.
Looking around has just made me realize that there’s so much of this world that I haven’t seen yet. And that there are a lot of small things that I tend to over see because I was too busy being BUSY. I tend to worry alot that I usually don’t take the time to just enjoy what I have infront of me like laughing with friends, watching TV with my family, palying with my dogs and just seeing kids play around. Things that I use to enjoy. Besides it is in these moments that we are most REAL, most free, and ready to nurture what makes us feel all tingly inside.
I’ve sure had my share of moments like graduating with honors, being accelerated or being hired for a job that I wanted. Things that I can be proud of. But then again after the moments in the spotlight, you always want back in the mundane. the song says "time falls away but these small hours still remain."
I love that song. The "small hours". I love watching the sunset, I love walking in the rain, I love surprises, I love the sound of children laughing and giggling, I love cuddling love fleeting moments that are so rare, you wish they would never flutter away. it is because they are so brief that they are so, so special.
Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don’t you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don’t mind
If it’s me you need to turn to
We’ll get by,
It’s the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
